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CRMAnd_The_Real_World_ _Part_2
| CRM...And The Real World - Part 2.
Here is my latest article. It may be freely used in ezines, on
websites or in e-books, as long as the Resource Box is left
intact.
I would appreciate notification of where it was used, and if
possible, a copy of the ezine or newsletter that it was used in.
Please send notification mailto:webmaster@online-wealth.com
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"WHAAAAT!" Sherry looked at me in disbelief. "That machine took
my card...and that bi...bit...*person* refused to give it back!"
Her face was quickly going brick red with mounting rage.
Hmmm, wait a minute, *Sherry's* card?
I said, "I *thought* it was Danny's?" It had his name on it, in
fact. "Yes," Sherry said impatiently, "it's his, but it's a
*joint* account - Danny *and* me." She pauses.
"That...that...person should've given it BACK..." She's really
fuming now...I wondered if her Kirlian aura was gonna turn
purple, or maybe red. I look at her, "Well, now...I didn't know
that, did I now?" Sherry glares at me - but not *at* me - then
relaxes to a sheepish smile, "Sorry, dear heart...I thought you
knew." I shrug, "No matter...we gotta get the card back, OK?"
*And*, figure out why the machine ate it too, just
quietly...but, one thing at a time!
So, thirty minutes later, we're both at the branch, fronting up
to *that* Customer Service Desk...ho, ho, HO, ho, ho! The woman
who had served me is nowhere in sight, but another clone steps
up, vacant smile glowing, 'Colgate' white...
SHE: "And how may we help you today, hmmm?" (The royal 'we', no
less, thinks I).
ME: "Ah, look, about half hour ago, one of your machines took
the card...it's in the drawer there", me pointing, "and, I went
to get autho..." Sherry elbows me to the side.
SHERRY: "Listen, and listen good!" She transfixes the hapless
woman with her fury. "You have a card of MINE, in that
drawer...get it out and give it BACK. Now!" She glares
magnificently. "It's in the name of Danny Burke...and I'm the
*other* joint owner of the account, his MOTHER." Sherry made the
last word sound like 'HITMAN'. The woman visibly wilts...truly,
she cringes.
SHE: "Er...oh...um, but, but...you...you...must have a l..letter
that author..." Sherry raises her hand, like a cop stopping
traffic.
SHERRY: "Stop...go to your fax machine, and there you will find
the letter waiting for you." She smiles benignly now,
soothingly, waving her away. (Just to let *you* know, we went to
Sherry's other branch first and got them to draft and fax the
necessary letter. We *knew* it would be waiting by the time we
got to *this* branch.)
A few minutes later, the woman came back and, after satisfying
procedure, Sherry got the card back. Twirling the card in her
fingers, Sherry looks at the woman...
SHERRY (softly, sweetly...but with an edge): "Now, I'm going to
put this card in again and if *that* machine gives any trouble,
I'll be back to get the money from YOU." She made it sound like
big Arnie talking to the cop at that desk, remember...just
before he came back with a truck and an M16! "And, I don't want
to be hit with any extra fees, if I do...right?" I *almost*
began to feel sorry for the woman.
SHE: "Ah...mmmmm...tha...hmmmm....well, yes...alright." Sherry
gives her a final glare and we go to the machine.
Sherry goes through the same procedure that I used. And, I watch
closely as she keys in the PIN, hits WITHDRAW CASH, selects the
account, and punches in 140.00, and lo, the money runneth over!
And immediately, I know why the machine ate the card when I did
it, and I know also that there probably is a program bug in the
software or firmware. A bug so simple, a novice programmer would
be able to fix it...or maybe an ATM service techy.
"Ya gotta be kidding," says Sherry looking at the machine,
shaking her head, when I tell her. I nod my head, grinning like
an idiot. "Well," says Sherry, "what are yer gonna do about it?"
_________________
What I Thought Of Doing: "Now, *I'm* gonna have some fun..."
Leaving Sherry to count the money, I go back to the Service Desk.
'Colgate' is still there, smiling but obviously a bit
uncomfortable to see me back. "Good news...it worked OK." The
relief on her face was palpable. I paused. "And, guess what?"
She leaned forward slightly, expectantly. "I know why the
machine failed the first time I did it..." And smiled. She
looked a bit confused, but then even more expectant.
With a wave, I said, "Have a day!" and walked out.
__________________
What I Did Instead: "Now, *I'm* gonna have some fun..." Leaving
Sherry to count the money, I go back to the Service Desk.
'Colgate' is still there, smiling but obviously a bit
uncomfortable to see me back. "Good news...it worked OK." The
relief on her face was palpable. I paused. "And, guess what?"
She leaned forward slightly, expectantly. "I know why the
machine failed the first time I did it..." And proceeded to give
her a very detailed and complicated explanation, very quickly. I
really wasn't too concerned about her comprehension; she looked
a bit confused as I finished...which was understandable, given
the jargon I used.
With a wave, I said, "Well, there you are...better get it done
quickly!" and walked out.
CRM? Cruddy Response Management, is what I say. ;-)
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P.S. OK, if you want to know why the ATM ate Danny's card the
first time (in Part 1), click this link and fill in the form:
http://online-wealth.com/crm_solution.htm .
About the author:
Roger Burke has been involved with computers since 1967, and has
managed to break quite a few, over the years. He, and his wife
Sherry, are now actively engaged in online self-publishing and
promoting specific affiliate programs at
http://online-wealth.com . If you have any comments or questions
about this article, please send emails to
mailto:webmaster@online-wealth.com . Copyright 2001,
Online-Wealth. All rights reserved.
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