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Control_Your_Emotions_and_Reach_the_Top
| Control Your Emotions and Reach the Top!
© 2002 Carole Nicolaides http://www.progressiveleadership.com
Socrates knew it all along. If you want to succeed in life you
must “know thyself.” This is the first step for everything and
for anybody who wants to make a difference in his or her life.
The ability to listen to our own emotions, wants, desires and
needs is as important as listening to others. In addition,
putting the understanding of your emotions (and those of others)
into practice is equally important. There are times all of us
want to lash out at our superiors or peers for violating our
boundaries, not “getting it”, interfering with our projects,
crossing the line, stepping behind our backs, taking advantage
of our absence and simply playing the old and cold business game.
Those are only natural feelings. Everyone has had them from time
to time. However, what you DO with those feelings and emotions
is what counts. Controlling your anger and frustration and
learning to perform more productively under stressful
circumstances is the defining factor.
Unfortunately, changing your emotional response to others is
considered a “lifestyle change”. And, as we all know, those are
the most difficult to implement and maintain. If changing
unproductive habits were as simple as being aware of them, we'd
all be living ideal lives. Changing habits and behaviors takes
more than awareness and self-knowledge. This is why traditional
training (such as books, audio tapes, video training and
workshops) often falls short in creating long-term change. They
don’t offer a consistent support system… the one thing that is
vital to maintaining new behaviors.
I recommend that you find a mentor or coach to assist with this
process. After all, there is an elegant beauty apparent in
people that can remain calm when no one else can. Aristotle
said, “Anyone can become angry - that is easy. But to be angry
with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time,
for the right purpose, in the right way - this is not easy.”
The insights below will help you lay down a solid foundation for
managing your emotions and progressing forward in your career.
1.Learn rather than defend. Instead of going into a defensive
mode and trying to protect or force your views, learn from the
situation. Ask yourself what is really going on with that upset
employee or coworker. The old saying is true, “When you change
someone’s point-of-view against their will, you’ve never truly
changed them.” From the moment you lose control and retaliate
(even if you are right) you’ve lost the battle. However, by
controlling your emotions and investigating the other’s
viewpoint, you open yourself to a calm and enlightening
discussion.
2.Acknowledge rather than agree. It is possible to acknowledge
that someone has a different point-of-view than you have without
agreeing with their point-of-view. What happens, more often than
not, is that the more strongly someone disagrees with us, the
more adamant we becoming about convincing them we are right.
Before the situation gets out of control, ask yourself, “How
important is it that they agree with me?” If the answer comes
down to a matter of personal pride – let it go. Acknowledge and
respect other’s views, the fact that you have a conflicting
opinion and allow the conversation to drift to another topic.
3.Express your emotions. Expressing empathy and being
emotionally honest is one of the things that will make you a
true leader. Everyone you work with already knows you are human.
When you share your strengths, weaknesses, triumphs and trials
honestly with those around you, you make a more personal
connection. Let us never forget, people follow those they like.
While your primary concern at the office may not be to make
friends; opening yourself up to your team will help develop a
sense of trust and loyalty towards you.
4.Stay in integrity with your values. Emotional control does not
equate to silence. Just the opposite. When a difficult subject
needs to be addressed, you will be fully able to do so… with a
level head. When the truth needs to be told, you will be a
person other’s look to. By showing others you are filled with
integrity and you stand by your values will help to define your
reputation. Respect always follow those whose “yes” means “yes”
and whose “no” means “no”.
5.Tactfully handle the negative. It seems, regardless the size
of organization you work for, that negative people will always
be present. These are the ones that continually complain, create
confrontations and lack control of their emotions. If their
contribution to your team does not outweigh the damaging
attitude, you may want to consider having them transferred to a
position where they would be more suited. Be aware of these
personality types. Also be prepared to handle the challenges
they will bring to you as you prepare to develop your new
emotional steadiness.
Progressive leaders are emotionally stable leaders. They are the
ones others turn to during a crisis. They are the ones that
become the beacon of true leadership. They are the ones that
make it to the top!
About the author:
Carole is President and Executive Coach of Progressive
Leadership, offering executive coaching, organizational
development consulting and leadership development training.
Improve your business relationships, communication, team
performance and bottom line starting now. Visit
http://www.progressiveleadership.com for more info & subscribe
to Carole’s FREE Ezine.
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