|
Create_A_Magic_Connection_with_Clients_Leads_and_Business_Associates_Part_I
| Create A Magic Connection with Clients, Leads, and Business Associates Part I
Create a Magic Connection with Clients, Leads, and Business
Associates -- Part I By Cora L. Foerstner
A few months ago, arriving at a client’s office to begin a group
meeting, I discovered that two women, who had committed to
joining us for a series of meetings, had changed their minds. In
less than two minutes, I convinced them to join us. Did I use
some sort of magic? You bet I did. Would you like to know that
magic?
Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP), a science that studies the
language of the mind, breaks down, step-by-step, the strategies
humans use to connect with others. Most people believe that we
communicate primarily through language and words. Yet, many
business people are aware of body language and its importance in
interacting with people. Some may be aware of studies that show
that language has less influence on others than physiology and
tonality. If we want to connect with others, it behooves us to
be consciously aware of how we use physiology and tonality as
well as how we use words.
Here is the brake down of how we communicate: 7% through words,
38% through tonality, 55% through physiology. It’s clear that if
we focus our communication only on words and language, we are
missing out on 93% of our resources for communication. NLP
teaches that anyone can establish rapport with another person
instantaneously. Rapport in NLP is defined differently from its
usual definition. Rapport, as NLP views it, is not developing a
relationship, although it may lead to relationship. NLP defines
rapport as an instant connection with another person, usually
taking place at the subconscious level.
When people meet and instantly feel they know each other, or
people are instantly comfortable with each other, this is
rapport. “I feel as if I’ve known you for years” is a statement
that shows instant rapport.
This kind of rapport happens all the time. People practice
rapport unconsciously with friends, family, and new
acquaintances. NLP helps us to do consciously and with volition
what we do naturally but often unconsciously with the people we
know and meet.
This article will sketch out some basic strategies that, if put
into practice, can dramatically change a person’s interaction
with others and help her to make connections easily. It’s like
magic.
PHYSIOLOGY
Since physiology is the primary way people communicate (55%),
everyone should have at least a basic understanding of how to
establish rapport on a physical level. Posture, breathing, eye
movement, blinking are all possible ways of establishing
rapport. There are two ways of creating a connection through
physiology: matching and mirroring.
Matching is doing the same thing with your body as someone else
is doing with her body. For example, if someone standing in
front of you has her head tilt to the right, you would tilt your
head to the right. If someone were observing you, she would see
your heads tilted in opposite directions.
Mirroring creates a mirror image. If someone has her head tilted
right, and you are standing in front of her, you tilt your head
to the left. To an observer, your heads would be tilted in the
same direction.
Both matching and mirroring should be done subtly, not
exaggerated. The idea is to connect, not to be offensive. Most
people find it offensive if someone is mimicking them. Don’t do
what children do when imitating someone with the intention of
annoying. When establishing rapport, the goal is to be natural,
smooth, and inconspicuous. Observe people who like each other.
People do these things naturally. When people are matching and
mirroring each other, they are establishing rapport. They are
connecting on an unconscious level.
Go back and read the first paragraph of this article. My magic
was simple. I noticed that the women were standing with their
shoulders slumped forward and they were leaning toward each
other. I matched them and smiled. Magic!
People match and mirror each other all the time. Go to a public
place where people are interacting. How do we know that the
couple, sitting across from us in a restaurant, are attracted to
each other? They are both leaning toward each other; they are
making eye contact; they are crossing their legs. If someone
were to carefully observe them, there would be numerous ways
their physiology matched or mirrored the other. This sends a
signal to the other person, “I’m with you. We are connecting.
I’m like you.” It also sends a signal to those who are
observing. Have you ever walked into a room and knew the people
in the room were having an intimate conversation, and you felt
like an intruder? You didn’t hear their words, but you knew
instinctively that you interrupted something. You were reading
their physiology.
Imagine you are talking with someone, he glances at his watch
frequently, doesn’t maintain eye contact, and he isn’t matching
or mirroring. He is sending a signal. It’s not one of rapport.
More than likely, you’ll cut the conversation short and let him
go about his business.
Some people are masters, consciously or unconsciously, of
matching and mirroring other people’s physiology. These people
are often social, well liked, and popular. But if they are using
this skill to manipulate people, they are probably not very
popular and are likely to be seen as a fake or phony. This is a
powerful tool when used with integrity, but it can backfire if
it is used in negative ways.
THE DETAILS
1. Mirroring creates a deeper connection than matching. Matching
is more subtle and easier to do. If you wish to establish a
deeper connection, you might consider matching first and then
moving toward mirroring. 2. Areas to match and mirror:
breathing, posture, blinking, hand movement. You can match and
mirror more than one aspect of someone’s physiology. 3. Think
specifics. If you match someone’s breathing, ask yourself: where
are they breathing? High in the chest? In the middle? Low? Is
their breathing deep, shallow, fast, slow? If you want to
practice, try doing this with a baby or child who is upset or
being hyper. Match her breathing, when you get into sync for a
while begin to slow your breathing. If you are in rapport with
the child, she will begin to match your breathing. Her breathing
will slow, and she will begin to calm down. You have changed her
physiology and mood by changing her breathing. Be careful with
this one, you might find that parents will begin to call you to
babysit. 4. Hand movements are important to watch. If a person
you are talking to doesn’t use hand movements, note that and
don’t use hand movements. Doing so could break rapport rather
than establish it. If someone does use hand movements, match
your movements to hers. Be aware of what the person you are
talking to does with her hands and match as closely as you can.
5. Watch head angles, shoulders, how a person sits. I slouch.
One of my best friends sits up very straight. When I’m with him,
I notice that I tend to sit up straighter. 6. Blinking is one of
the most subtle ways of getting into rapport with someone. Most
people aren’t aware of their blinking patterns. I’ve tried this
with people who blink rapidly, and I find it tiring and
distracting. I learned something about myself: I don’t blink a
lot.
These are a few suggestions. You’ll discover more as you begin
to notice other people’s physiology.
Part two explores using tonality and words to create rapport.
About the author:
Cora L. Foerstner teaches English and composition at California
State Polytechnic University, Pomona. She is also a Master
Practitioner and Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP),
and most recently, a network marketer. You may contact her at
mailto:cora@usana.com or visit her web sites at
http://www.unitoday.net/cora and
http://www.whyresidualincome.com/cora.
|
|
| |
| |
