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IKEA_ _Hell_on_Earth
| IKEA - Hell on Earth
What is it about IKEA that causes so much emotion and stress?
Hated and loathed by some, the IKEA experience has reached
almost cult status with a large following of worshippers in the
UK. I use the term worshippers carefully and only with reference
to the fact that you really to have to worship it in order to go
back there.
At its recently opened store in North London 5 people ended up
detained in hospital due to being crushed by crowds eager to
purchase special offer bargains at midnight. Local roads were
blocked and thousands turned up to take advantage of the
bargains in what turned into a fiasco after the store had to
close after just 30 minutes.
Just what is it about IKEA that turns people into greedy,
argumentative and selfish individuals? The answer lies within
the very structure of every IKEA store. Firstly, IKEA is so
popular it is almost always going to be busy – unless you get up
early on a Sunday morning – and even then there is no guarantee!
Lets take you through the process of a shopping trip to the
Wonderland fantasy world of IKEA.
1.Get up early in the morning and drive to IKEA before it opens
in an attempt to beat the rush. Traffic is not as heavy as the
last time you visited but you are stuck in a queue for over 20
minutes.
2.The store opens and the crowds rush in, making straight for
the little yellow bags they then hustle and jostle for the
stairs. Now you are stuck in a moving throng of human bodies as
you are forced to wind your way through every single department
of IKEA when all you really wanted to do was visit the kitchen
area. To compensate you nick a couple of their diddy little
pencils for the kids.
3.The restaurant is already full, some people have found they
need a break already and are busy feeding their faces in the
equivalent of a motorway café for IKEA cult members. This is
where you start swearing under your breath and personally
promise that you will never visit IKEA again. Slightly rattled
now, you begin to move through the furniture area with its
neatly arranged in near perfect rows of organised clutter which
is calling out to you for special attention. It is almost as if
some form of subliminal messaging has taken over your mind as
you imagine your bedroom transformed and adorned in IKEA glory.
4.Finally you make it to the kitchen area with its OGLAs and
INGO’s from BJORKUDDEN. You realise the situation is worse than
you thought it was. You are now being brainwashed into learning
Swedish. Why can’t a shelf be called a shelf and a chair be
called a chair for goodness sake.
5.An hour later you are nearing the check out queue. You came in
for some kitchenware but you are now struggling with a flat pack
JOKK, a LEKSVIK and some dodgy looking ENETRI. Your confused?
You should be. After what seems like an age you finally make it
past check out. Hurrah, a sigh of relief and a sinking feeling
as you spot the Hot Dog stand. You have to stop at the Hot Dog
stand. It’s not an option.
6.Here you are at last. The best Hot Dog outlet in town. Hot Dog
Speciale for the discerning Hot Dog lover. The King of Hot Dogs.
The sausages are steamed, grilled until the skin is fried and
they are then placed in a succulent moist bun. Elbow to elbow
and shoving for your own little space around one of those little
round tables built for Elves you struggle to enjoy your Hot Dog.
Ketchup and mustard is in abundance which is more than can be
said for any seating. However, the Hot Dog was your reward and
your one little indulgence for the grief that IKEA have put you
through over the last two hours.
7.Out in the car park you struggle to squeeze your precious
possessions into the back of your car. Finally, after this
terrifying ordeal you arrive back home. Thank goodness you sigh.
More fool you. The second ordeal now begins as you drag your
goods into your home and eagerly begin the assembly. Three hours
later, allen key in hand you ponder over why the door won’t fit
and why you are left with 8 pieces that don’t seem to go
anywhere. The manual is next to useless and there are at least 4
parts missing. Your JOKK is going nowhere. Insane anger follows
and you contemplate throwing it out into the back garden. A
further 30 minutes of in depth concentration and you finally
crack the code and bolt the final piece into place. No thanks to
the instruction manual which is a kind of Pingu without
penguins. You are emotionally drained and weak from your ordeal.
You suddenly hate Sweden.
A trip to IKEA is hell on earth. Why would you go there? Because
it is cheap? Just how much is your sanity worth? This evil
empire of Baron Ingvar Kamprad’s IKEA is addictive. You are an
addict. You sit on your IKEA chair in your IKEA living room with
your IKEA lighting and your IKEA soft furnishings and you pride
yourself in your ability to find a bargain – but at what cost?
Your little piece of Suburbia looks like everyone elses little
piece of suburbia and you keep going back. Why? You cant’ afford
to go elsewhere? You actually like the stuff they sell?
IKEA has done a fantastic job of manipulating the masses with
its cheap products. However, there are some things about IKEA
that I find disturbing. Reasons why I would never go back to
this hell on earth.
First and foremost IKEA bring you cheap products and tacky goods
because most are made in third world countries using child
labour or near slave labour wages for the workers that actually
produce the goods.
Even more chilling are reports in the news of Ingvar Kamprad’s
Nazi past. The Stockholm newspaper Expressen revealed that
Kamprad, owner and founder of IKEA, was involved with Nazi
groups in his youth.
Ikea adverts make fun at their own company and target what they
regard as stuck up designers with witty and amusing scenes to
win over the general public. The marketing campaign is pure
brilliance. No one can deny this. They have been very successful.
So, has any of this put you off? Probably not. You will want to
go back for the Hot Dogs anyway!
About the author:
Birmingham UK Com is a community website that invites writers
from all over the globe to contribute and share their opinions.
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